When you "think" God is being silent...

A co-worker loaned me a copy of the book "You only think God is Silent - Hearing God in the defining moments of our lives", by Julie Ann Allen, shortly after he lost his mother to cancer. Little did I know I would suffer the loss of my own mother the following year to Leukemia.
Julie Allen lost her husband to a freak construction accident where he was accidentally buried under large pieces of cement that should have been carried off the work site along with tons of dirt. A track hoe driver failed to check for her husband's whereabouts before burying some large pieces of concrete in a trench. Julie shares in her book how God's Grace sustained her and "lifted her out of the muddiest, darkest, most pitiful, and sorrowful place she could have imagined. More than that, God, put a song back in her heart."
Julie now lives in Grapevine, Texas and has two children. She is a deacon in music ministry at the United Methodist Church.
Julie says she "learned what it was like to stand at a crossroad generated by tragedy and make a choice. That choice became a defining moment. She could either ignore God and/or blame Him for the tragedy, or hear God and rely on Him to sustain her, transform her, and reconstruct her life as she passed through this profound tragedy."
I keep these scriptures printed out and taped on my bathroom mirror, a copy in my Bible, and share them often with others.
My favorite scriptures are the ones she used throughout her book:

James 1:2-4 "My brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have it's full effect, so that you may be mature and complete lacking in nothing."

Psalm 59: 16-17 "But will sing of thy might; I will sing aloud of thy steadfast love in the morning. For thou hast been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress. O my strength, I will sing praises to thee, for thou, O God, art my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love."

John 14:27 " Peace I leave you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid."

Romans 8:26 "In the same way the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

John 16:33 "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit."

Job 42 16-17 "After this Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation. And so he died old and full of years."

Isaiah 40:11 "He will feed his flock like a shepherd/; He will gather the lambs in his arms, and carry them in his bosom, and gently lead the mother sheep."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope."

Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Psalm 23:4 "yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

Psalm 37:5-6 "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this; He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."

Isaiah 55:12 "For you shall go out in joy, and be led back in peace."

Psalm 30:11 " You have turned my mourning into dancing; You have taken off my sackcloth and have clothed me with joy."

Psalm 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands."

Deuteronomy 31:8 " It is the Lord who goes before you; He will be with you, He will not fail you or forsake you."

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."

James 1:20 "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God; will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

John 14:27 " Peace I leave you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Isaiah 40:31 "And they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

Hebrews 12:1-2 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith."

Hebrews 12:1 "...Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

Philippians 3:12 " Not that I have already obtained this or have reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Jesus has made me his own."

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Comforting the grieving

As a pastor's wife, I have had the blessing of visiting many precious people and their families at times of joy and at times of painful grief. As a young woman, I was unsure what to say but after many years of comforting others and then after losing both of my parents I have learned that the less you "say", the better. All you need to do is say "I'm sorry" and be present with them. Offer a hug and just be there. The majority of people fear going to the dentists, taxes, and attending funerals. Don't avoid going to funerals for loved ones of your friend and family. Go, no matter how much you fear going or just don't want to go, go. It means much more than you will ever know if you simple go, sign the book, say I'm so sorry, offer a hug and just do the ministry of presence. It will bless you more than you know and mean alot to the grieving person. They will remember you were there.
My daughter told me when she was first dating her now husband, Jonathan, that he was so thoughtful and good about going to funerals when he knew someone who suffered the lose of a loved one. She admired this about Jonathan.
I still remember how deeply it touched me to look up and see three of my dear friends from high school at my mother's funeral, Kelly Cole, Lisa Eady, and Dennis Vick all came to my mother's service. That meant so much to me. Also, our church ministerial staff came all the way from Grand Prairie to San Angelo to be at Mom's service! I just cried when I saw them. it meant more to me than I can express that they got up so early and drove 4 hours to come and show their support and care.
Don't be afraid, you don't have to know what to say, just say, "I'm sorry".
Accepting our own mortality, the fact that we will all die someday, is a big step toward mental and emotional maturity and health. Comforting your friends in times of need is a very healthy thing to do and just a part of life.
"And so, as those who have been chosen of God, Holy and Beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12

Turn Up The Music!

Turn up the Music! I love the song by this title done by Point of Grace! It captures the essence of how I want to live! The chorus says, "Turn up the music, turn it up loud. Take a few chances, Let it all out!, You won't regret it, Lookin' back from where you have been, cause it's not who you knew, and it's not what you did, it's how you live!
The 2nd verse says, " Kiss all your children, Dance with your wife, tell your husband you love him, every night."
Isn't that just so simple and so easy! As Nike says, "Just do it!"
I am so blessed with a wonderful man and friend as my husband that I get to tell that I love him every night! Bill is the son of a wonderful Godly father, Irv Skaar. Irv was always teased by relatives that he had 4 "perfect kids!" Irv was always raving about his children and how perfect they each are. Well, it's true and I have the privilege and blessing of being married to perfect kid #1! I'll always remember how Bill made me laugh until I cried on a date to Red Lobster back in our Baylor/Waco days! He was telling me the cutest story about a resident named "Roy" who lived at the quarter house in Mexia, Texas where Bill was a weekend house parent. This helped Bill earn extra money for college. Bill tells how "Roy" would talk and dream of one day kissing a beautiful lady "right on the lips!" It's so funny and sweet to hear Bill tell it. "Roy" was an older resident with mental retardation and he had not yet had his first kiss with a lady. So sweet. I also remember so well walking across Baylor campus and it was almost as if God spoke audibly, in reply to my petition, asking God if perhaps Bill might be "the one" for me and God said "yes, my child, this is he. This is the man I have for you to spend the rest of your life with". Bill was the first guy I dated that I felt truly at ease around and loved unconditionally. He always was good at making me laugh and still is! I had written out a list of everything I wanted in a potential mate and he absolutely met everything I had written down! I still have that list in my wedding book. I am so blessed to be married to my best friend and lover. I am so proud of him and I love watching him minister. I also love being by his side at church, in hospital rooms, and wherever the ministry takes us, together. God is so good!
I am also very blessed to have an amazing daughter, Melissa Nicole! We had been married over 4 years and decided to start our family. It took over 8 months of trying to get pregnant that first time and we were so excited! I was working as a speech therapist and had to go on bed rest at 7 months due to pre-eclampsia. My blood pressure started spiking and my kidneys were having a hard time. Delivery of the baby is the only cure or pre-eclampsia. I was good and stayed in bed and carried her to term! She was so tiny! 4 pounds and 11 ounces when we took her home! She was practically bald until about 2 and then her fabulous hair came in and wow! My mom always called Melissa's hair, "God's abundance!" She was and is truly beautiful with big brown eyes and was so tiny but so articulate at such an early age, people were amazed wherever we took her! Here was this tiny baby girl walking and talking and displaying this gorgeous mane of hair! She looked much younger than she was, due to her tiny size, and she walked very early. Melissa is amazingly smart, if I might brag on her, and yet very kind and sensitive to others. I'll never forget one day as a poor preacher's wife in Brookshire, Texas, we were struggling to make ends meet and I was staying home with my toddler, money was tight. Our checking account had somehow gotten overdrawn and I was scared. I sat down and cried, overwhelmed and trying to figure out how this happened and what to do. I was thinking that Melissa was busy playing and wouldn't notice but I was wrong. She came near, climbed in my lap, wiped my tears, hugged me, and said, "don't cry mommy, it'll be ok!" Her sweet little smile, hug, and tender fingers wiping my tears was all the reassurance I needed and she was so right! It was all gonna be more than ok! Neither Melissa or I had a sister so I think that is why we are best friends and always were! Yes, I did fill the parent role when needed but we have always enjoyed the blessings of being "friends". She is beautiful inside and out and she is so much like her daddy! They are both "right" and they can both crunch the most complex numbers in their heads so easy! They both remember what they have heard! They are both great speakers and singers. They are both musical and amazing at math, history, words, trivia, debate, watching sports, golf, and leading the pack when we have a big or small group navigating a week at Disney World! I love Melissa so much and I couldn't imagine how I would have enough love for another child! (but I did!) I have to be careful to not just follow her around when she's here to visit now! I just want to soak up every second of her presence when she's here! I am now the only female in the house, since she married and moved to Houston. I miss her but I am glad she is now married to her best friend and has a great job.
4 years after we had Melissa we wanted one more child and it was easier and faster to get pregnant the 2nd time. Melissa was excited and Bill and I were as well! One more little Skaar on the way! We hoped for a boy but just healthy was fine, boy or girl. It was such an easy pregnancy this time, no blood pressure problems or kidney issues at all! Night and Day different! I worked out diligently and tried to get in top physical shape before getting pregnant the 2nd time and it helped for sure. I didn't have to have a c-section this time, like I had with Melissa! It was so different! I'll never forget my precious daddy sitting right by my side in Labor and Delivery the entire time! I didn't know until later that Mom and Daddy were so sorry they didn't come right away when I had all the trouble with my pregnancy and delivery with Melissa that they came a week before Brad's due date. They were right there with me to be sure I did ok having a v-bac. I didn't realize the risk of hemorrhage but Daddy did and he told me later he was going to scrub in if I ended up having to go into surgery. Thank the Lord, I didn't! 11 hours of mild labor and then ta da! A 7 pound 3 ounce baby boy! I'll never forget, we didn't know if it was a boy or a girl until he came and as soon as Dr. Cohen said, "It's a boy!" Bill looked at me and mouthed the words, "Thank you!!" So sweet! Brad was such an easy and good baby just like Melissa had been. My mom said I was so lucky to have had 2 babies that were so good! Bradley is an amazing young man. He was so cute and fun as a little boy and Melissa and I LOVED, absolutely loved, to hear him get tickled and laugh when he was little! As a little guy he had the most delightful and contagious laugh! He loved balls, hats, and playing outside! I really enjoyed sitting out on our driveway in Livingston and watching he and Bill play baseball as Bill would pitch to him and when he got a hit he'd run all three bases, then home and immediately say, "again, daddy, again!" Now Brad is a very handsome and kind young man who is fun to talk to and he still makes us laugh, often. Brad as a very quick wit and a sharp sense of humor. He is very intuitive of others feelings and perceptions. Brad is very tech savvy and is pursuing a career in the film industry. He is very creative and artistic and he helped me learn how to use my i-phone and how to sell stuff on e-bay! I love my son and it's fun being his mom!
The first verse of the song I referred to says, "have what you want but want what you have". I so have what I want, and want what I have!! Thank you God! I am so blessed, more than I ever dreamed!
Let's "Turn Up The Music, take a few chances, use the good dishes, wear your red dress, make a big mess and make lots of wishes!"