As a pastor's wife, I have had the blessing of visiting many precious people and their families at times of joy and at times of painful grief. As a young woman, I was unsure what to say but after many years of comforting others and then after losing both of my parents I have learned that the less you "say", the better. All you need to do is say "I'm sorry" and be present with them. Offer a hug and just be there. The majority of people fear going to the dentists, taxes, and attending funerals. Don't avoid going to funerals for loved ones of your friend and family. Go, no matter how much you fear going or just don't want to go, go. It means much more than you will ever know if you simple go, sign the book, say I'm so sorry, offer a hug and just do the ministry of presence. It will bless you more than you know and mean alot to the grieving person. They will remember you were there.
My daughter told me when she was first dating her now husband, Jonathan, that he was so thoughtful and good about going to funerals when he knew someone who suffered the lose of a loved one. She admired this about Jonathan.
I still remember how deeply it touched me to look up and see three of my dear friends from high school at my mother's funeral, Kelly Cole, Lisa Eady, and Dennis Vick all came to my mother's service. That meant so much to me. Also, our church ministerial staff came all the way from Grand Prairie to San Angelo to be at Mom's service! I just cried when I saw them. it meant more to me than I can express that they got up so early and drove 4 hours to come and show their support and care.
Don't be afraid, you don't have to know what to say, just say, "I'm sorry".
Accepting our own mortality, the fact that we will all die someday, is a big step toward mental and emotional maturity and health. Comforting your friends in times of need is a very healthy thing to do and just a part of life.
"And so, as those who have been chosen of God, Holy and Beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12
Thank you, Mrs. Pam! I really needed to read that. Being a young minister's wife, I do get very anxious about all sorts of things that come up with the ministry: mourning the lost of a loved one is definitely one of them. Thank you for your wise words, I will definitely keep them in my heart!
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